Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
