....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
