Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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