I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
