we have officially lost it.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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