nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
