Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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