The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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