why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
True strength comes from lack of pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
