i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
