Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
