Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
