while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
