No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
