Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
