We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.