Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?

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  (516): Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right? http://tfl.nu/loiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3687) Bad night (596)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?

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  (512): I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing? http://tfl.nu/nzdd
  Replies (7) Good night (8671) Bad night (789)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

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  (517): Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early. http://tfl.nu/8f7a
  Replies (17) Good night (6706) Bad night (2020)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

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  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9850) Bad night (1132)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.

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  (605): woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fadr
  Replies (7) Good night (3410) Bad night (894)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at

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  (630): oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at http://tfl.nu/dl7w
  Replies (5) Good night (880) Bad night (1955)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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  (254): There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option. (512): That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too. http://tfl.nu/lz3p
  Replies (9) Good night (2964) Bad night (1252)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (2208) Bad night (730)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.

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  (541): Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me. http://tfl.nu/hakv
  Replies (13) Good night (990) Bad night (746)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.

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  (402): I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody. http://tfl.nu/us3z
  Replies (5) Good night (705) Bad night (1000)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises

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  (416): I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises http://tfl.nu/8bqz
  Replies (14) Good night (723) Bad night (1468)
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  (650): View more from California

  We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.

  (650): View more from California

  And so far nothing been broken!

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  (650): We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum. (650): And so far nothing been broken! http://tfl.nu/0yij
  Replies (4) Good night (2466) Bad night (522)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.

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  (972): It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night. http://tfl.nu/xja7
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (606)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Wear something tight

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  (361): Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick" (517): Wear something tight http://tfl.nu/ryqo
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (316)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.

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  (727): Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend. http://tfl.nu/jlre
  Replies (9) Good night (1035) Bad night (444)

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