Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

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  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (5191) Bad night (1095)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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  (219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je
  Replies (37) Good night (6994) Bad night (771)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.

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  (843): just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style. http://tfl.nu/ygfi
  Replies (8) Good night (1342) Bad night (3062)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (37422) Bad night (1950)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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  (425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie. http://tfl.nu/58ia
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (933)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.

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  (404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party. http://tfl.nu/y163
  Replies (17) Good night (4664) Bad night (1124)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

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  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (36) Good night (15653) Bad night (1264)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

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  (813): I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized. http://tfl.nu/p6rg
  Replies (11) Good night (1011) Bad night (3467)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

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  (909): I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"... http://tfl.nu/z8ro
  Replies (19) Good night (3337) Bad night (1234)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks

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  (201): we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks http://tfl.nu/c3q4
  Replies (8) Good night (1094) Bad night (2582)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.

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  (404): Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has. http://tfl.nu/tiit
  Replies (4) Good night (450) Bad night (787)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?

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  (403): I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work? http://tfl.nu/hj1o
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (319)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.

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  (+61): I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes. http://tfl.nu/bcwt
  Replies (3) Good night (358) Bad night (699)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind

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  (517): how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind http://tfl.nu/fj2o
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (663)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.

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  (941): she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that. http://tfl.nu/ju83
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (237)

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