If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.