while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.