I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS