i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
