Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?