Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2560) Bad night (24000)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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  (360): So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor. http://tfl.nu/jcpz
  Replies (9) Good night (3398) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's naming her girl london marie

  (519): View more from Ontario

  that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

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  (519): she's naming her girl london marie (519): that kid will be born with a tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/2dqp
  Replies (21) Good night (976) Bad night (2945)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.

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  (302): I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset. http://tfl.nu/ifc8
  Replies (13) Good night (4870) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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  (214): I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off. http://tfl.nu/qpy6
  Replies (38) Good night (541) Bad night (4290)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.

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  (541): we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ziys
  Replies (69) Good night (1368) Bad night (5450)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (14) Good night (6572) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...

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  (949): shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do... http://tfl.nu/qae9
  Replies (22) Good night (1316) Bad night (3913)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell

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  (317): disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell http://tfl.nu/re5w
  Replies (11) Good night (3800) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.

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  (304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke. http://tfl.nu/dnme
  Replies (9) Good night (2079) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance

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  (937): Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance http://tfl.nu/14uy
  Replies (2) Good night (1135) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it

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  (424): This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it http://tfl.nu/0y9z
  Replies (2) Good night (1169) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.

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  (615): Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast. http://tfl.nu/ki2v
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now

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  (619): If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now http://tfl.nu/lp2e
  Replies (4) Good night (253) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.

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  (732): He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string. http://tfl.nu/q1va
  Replies (9) Good night (438) Bad night (707)

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