Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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