You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
