the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
