I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
