yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
