I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
