I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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