who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
