it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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