hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
