You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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