in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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