Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
