There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
