yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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