Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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