There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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