I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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