No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
