my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Buhtt sex?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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