If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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