JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
