Whod you bang
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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