Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you told grandpa to call you daddy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
