I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
