My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
