she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
