Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
