yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
