Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
