turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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