he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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