he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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