do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
