Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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