best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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