Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
