How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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