his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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