The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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