I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
