I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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