Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
