I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
