He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
