JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
