I love black thongs
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
