this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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