She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
