God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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