I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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