Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
