yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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