Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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