Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
