eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
