I molested 6 butterflies tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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