we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
