So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
barbara walters just said penis...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i believe in u and ur pee
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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