sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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