Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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