I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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