we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I will be naked everywhere
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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