Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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