You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
