apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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