Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this beer tastes like vomit already
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
