i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
