just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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