life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
